We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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