Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
