I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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