can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
