You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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