I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
