he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
