i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
