Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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