Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
