He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
