Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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