You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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