I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
