peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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