I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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