Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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