Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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