We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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