I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
