Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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