You really coming over, don't trick.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I party with great urgency now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
