i think i have herpe
just one?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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