the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
