i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
