You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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