best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
