How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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