I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
