you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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