Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
