Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
