i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
