there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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