i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
