I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wear drunk well.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
