I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
