Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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