i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
