I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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