1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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