It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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