i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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