It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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