Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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