3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
