mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
