No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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