I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
