i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
