what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
