I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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