There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
