I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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