A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
