She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
