the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
