Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
