Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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