I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
