oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
