he shaved USA in his pubs
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
