She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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