How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
