I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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