i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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