I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
