pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
