I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
